Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
