I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
