just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
