I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
