Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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