how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
