Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
