So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
