there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
