some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
