i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I AM VODKA MAN
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
