I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
