with your own penis?
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
