the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
