I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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