Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Less talking, more tequila
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
