and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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