Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
