I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
