there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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