dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
