he was CRYING into my vagina
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
