My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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