Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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