Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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