My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
