just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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