What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
