I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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