I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Randomize
