But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
