Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
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