don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
