I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
