she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
