The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
