You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
His hands were made for my vagina.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
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