I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
