I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
