those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
