i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
