no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
