I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
