sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Randomize
