My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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