Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
