I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Randomize
