You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
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