all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
