I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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