my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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